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Unlucky Racing : Winter Track Day

First off I want to apologise for the lack of activity on here. With the country opening back up over the summer I had to go into overdrive with work and between that and my family life it didn't leave much room for anything else. I did somehow manage to get the Clio back together and ready for one last track day for 2021... Here James Williams takes us through the day.

Race report:

James was late despite living 28 meters from the meeting place because he “forgot his hoody” and got stuck behind a 6:30am bus. The team were not bothered as they had arranged to meet approximately 32hrs before the sighting laps so luckily we had time to play with. James W swiftly lead the pack up the A1 and managed to get James Malley to indicate tor box A1 SEX SHOP and consecutively VANILLA ALTERNATIVE SWINGERS CLUB before diving off into some dark country lanes of which surfaces resembled that of hardened lumpy lava, which was sort of pre-track day shake down in itself.

The circuit sign on was uneventful except Giles forgot the one essential thing (besides a car); his driving license. Luckily he had a fake McLovin license from the previous owner in the Clio so used that.

The sighting laps produced an excellent dry surface to start the day, Giles set a new top speed record under yellows but James W was unable to go above 40mph at the back of the pack. Tom Woodard took control of Giles’ Renault and returned it in one piece, but Giles’ face colouring gradually got paler as the session proceeded. It was apparent that Tom Woodard was unaware of any brake markers present or that the car actually belonged to Giles and he was not just renting it.

Malley offered to take Williams out in the Gold Clio and impressively spun the vehicle 180 degrees, 14 seconds into the run. A visit to the pit Lane and back for a word with himself then gave way to a rather impressive stint in which Williams toes broke out through the Alpinestars stitching of his boots as Malley drove the canards off the Clio in retaliation. Rather than ‘slow in, fast out’, it was ‘fast fast, faster faster brake’. Top lad.

The sun beat down on the circuit while Whittington got wiggly and Williams cried about his tread depth. Bedfordshire council popped in to let Matthew know that because of how much spare fuel he brought there was now a localised shortage and they wanted to buy it back.

Giles had a banging curry for lunch, Tom Gosbee arrived dressed like a Salesman and Woodard became acquainted with /r/biggerthanyouthought - and yes, the waitress totally saw.

After lunch Woodard was handed the keys to the Clio again as the inevitable crept closer. The cupid of track day accidents shot an eye pipet arrow into his butt cheeks and sure enough, with twin-Tom’s in Giles’ pride and joy, with a Giles literally on his knees praying at the side line, Woodard Wario’d the vehicle into a FWD drift missile just narrowly sliding backwards past a wee soaked open-top Caterham. Giles called his lawyer as the car sat stationary in the grass for 30 gut wrenching seconds. A brown, ass smelling gas engulfed the vehicle and after a lifetime, it crept away. The day was saved. The car, although bearing a Renault badge, lived on.

Giles went home & deleted Woodard off Facebook. Williams took Gosbee out and did some Vtec. Diggy had a steak & 3 pints somewhere that was not Bedford Autodrome. Everyone but Malley left the circuit, but I have just seen on ITV news that he is still going round under a helicopter spotlight and all the marshals chasing him in Toyota Hilux's.

All in all a good day!

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Dec 17, 2021

Looks like a Fab day out. Next up off road pay & play? 😆

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